I wrote the start of an idea I had for a story. I would love you critiquing it/giving me feedback on it, because I don’t know what people think of my writing, whether it is ok or not.
Alright, here we go:
Title: Untitled story
Genre: Fiction, don’t really know what genre yet
Word count: 535
Type of feedback desired: My writing. I don’t know if it’s good and I’ve never had any critique/feedback on it, so I don’t know whether my writing is ok or not.
“..with that he says learning distinguishes learning activities of students, that learning is a social activity in combination with the environment, and creating knowledge is a constant process of reconstruction. Knowledge, in his eyes, isn’t stable.” Pierce sighs. He lies down on the bed and puts his hands behind his head. He is only three pages in the chapter of the book, he has had enough of it already. He looks out of the window. Leaves are falling down the trees and the autumn sun lights them, making the scene look like embers whirling through the air. The door opens, and Garrett stands in the doorway. “Tough time?” he says, crossing his arms.
“Yeah.. I keep on reading the same sentences twice and they still don’t stick,” Pierce says, rolling his eyes. “It’s just something that has to be done because we have to, not because we actually like it.”
“Yep, same here. And most of the times, you don’t actually gain benefit from it,” Garrett says. “It is hard sometimes, having no motivation but still having to do lots of studying.” Garrett walks to the bed and grabs the book, looking through the pages. “You know, sometimes I think of quitting it all and just doing something else.. I don’t know what, but something else.” Pierce looks at Garrett and nods. “But we can’t,” Garrett says. He’s laughing. “We have to earn some money, look after our loved ones, pay the bills, and so on. We can’t just give up and go do something else. That’s the sad thing about being an adult; the responsibilities.”
“Exactly, even though sometimes we want to,” Pierce says.
Garrett nods, lifting a corner of his mouth. “Alright, going downstairs again, back to studying, unfortunately..” he says. “Good luck, brother!” He lifts his fist in the air, as a symbol to keep up the strength.
“You too, sir,” Pierce says, lifting up his fist as well. Garrett closes the door and heads downstairs. Pierce picks up his book and starts reading again. He is able to read another few pages, but after a while, he throws the book down and shakes his head. “How is this even readable for humans? I mean, humans with common sense.. Geez..” he grumbles. Pierce starts staring at the ceiling. Lame responsibilities. What if there weren’t any? What if we could just give up and do whatever we want? Earn a ton of money and have fun, doing things you otherwise couldn’t do, change the world, go travelling, or even do nothing. Just chill. Of course, not every day, but at least for some days.
Downstairs, Garrett is buried in his books again, going back and forth between making notes and reading. “Want another cup of tea, hun?” Mary says, giving him a little massage. “I would love too,” Garrett says, as he turns around and gives her a kiss. As Mary walks to the kitchen, a rumbling is coming down from upstairs, the door opens with a blow and Pierce stands in front of the table where Garrett’s sitting at. “Having luck now?” Garrett says with a smile.
“Even better,” Pierce says. “Let’s quit this crap and do what we want to do.”
Thank you for reading and have a jolly day!